he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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