what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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