It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
