cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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