Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I looked at my own cervix.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
