apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
