I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
