Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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