I faked an abortion last night.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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