She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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