Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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