In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ugly people sure do ruin things
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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