I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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