Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
