I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This is the high leading the old right now
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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