I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
