Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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