matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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