took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
