Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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