I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
