Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
