No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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