i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
