Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
