How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
