Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
