I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
