I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am spending my child support on dildos
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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