I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
