DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
