after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
