That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
