my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
