A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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