all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
