I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
