That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
