dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
