Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
