I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize