ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
