i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
