with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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