i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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