Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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