And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
