yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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