at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
