i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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