people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
