i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
