her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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