I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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