i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
