I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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