before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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