Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
