No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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