just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
