And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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