gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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